lyndeeluwho's blog

Man is it nice to not be planning a wedding anymore. Whoo Hoo!! Everything went off without a hitch and just how we wanted it. Just like a big wedding but with only one guest lol. We went down to the beach afterwards....LONG DRIVE...But a nice 4 day vacation in a cabin on the beach...totally worth it =) We did all kinds of fun stuff while we were down there, went ocean kayaking, body boarded (which went horrible for me lol), rode a ferry on the ocean, saw dolphins in the wild everywhere (we even swam in the ocean about 40 ft from them!!), we went to a really cool ocean aquarium off of one of the little islands that had a huge exhibit that had part of a ship wreck that was found in the area with fish and sharks in it lol!!. It was sooo much fun! Not to mention the two pools and FAB-U-LOUS Hot tub. I spent alot of time in that hot tub, listening to bubly water, ocean waves crashing and sea gulls. It was just a amazing. And those sea gulls were insane!! They were taking food out of peoples hands off the back of the ferry, they about attacked some little kids who were trying to feed them by the ocean, they even went crazy once outside our cabin over some dog food! It was kinda awesome =P

I miss my blogging and my gug!!! Dang! I have officially reserved the wedding location and the honeymoon destination. I adopted another dog. Her name is Maddie. I'll post a picture of her on here. I really need a myspace tracker but I can't seem to weed through all the crap to find what i'm looking for. My bridal shower and bachelorette party is one week from today and I am getting married on the thursday after that and then headed to the beach for our honeymoon. The big "reception" party isnt until june 28th though lol. I really need some time to get on here and catch up. Being without my gug makes me a sad panda.

I decided to do a video blog. Well kind of. I decided to do a blog of all my home video's from yesterday lol.

Also it was my grandma's birthday back home.

I love Hanni El Khatib. Downtown girl is my jam =P

So we got the house into presentable shape ion time for the house warming party. Oh yeah I got my house and got moved into it lol. We didnt have the internet here for like a week so I havent had time to blog. Not to mention moving and unpacking and painting and organizing lol. I only got my net surfing fun time and work and let me say..I am so glad to have my house set up and my computer on!! Yay!

Yay new camera! I didn't find my usb cable but I realized I can pull things off my memory card through my printer!

Is anyone else as addicted to sara bareilles and colbie callait as I am? I have been listening to both of those cd's way too much.

We got our house!! Well mostly..It passed all the inspections and everything. We close on friday and take possession. Then we'll start painting and figuring out how we're going to do everything. We don't have to be out of our apartment until the 1st of March so we aren't very rushed and that's a great feeling when moving. I'm pretty stoked. I'll take some pics when I can and post them on here so everyone can look at my partially updated 111 yr old beautiful house!! YAY!!

I've officially decided I'm depressed. I'm just have way too much stress in my life right, it really feels like I can't take it anymore. I have cavities and they are getting worse everyday but not only does my job not offer dental insurance but I can't afford it on my own. I applied for this care credit thing but since I have no one who can co-sign for me and a stuff ton of hospital bills on my credit, I was denied. I knew this would happen but I guess for some reason I still let myself get some little glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I'd finally catch a break in life. Who the hell was I kidding. Me? Catch a break? HA! You'd think all that I've been going through with the house would have taught me that I can't catch a break but I guess all my daydreaming foolishness has just led me to believe I would eventually catch a break in life. I mean my life has never had a break. I started out in horrid poverty with alot of abuse and I thought finally at 6 when I was adopted I'd catch a break. Wrong. I love my family and couldnt be any happier with them so dont get the impression that I dislike my family by any means. It's just that they are EXTREMELY dysfunctional. My adopted parents were seperated very shortly after I came into the picture. But I persevered and dealt and moved on. My teen years would probably take longer to explain than it did to live them so I dont even want to go there. When I finally got out on my own I couldnt afford health insurance so when I got sick it just developed until I was so sick I ended up in the hospital, which has now ruined my credit and f**ked me once again. I finally got new glasses for the first time in years (literally like 6 years) a couple months ago. I had been wearing glasses that the prescription was in the low 500's, now it's in the mid to high 700's. No wonder I had been having migraines all the time. After that I finally got health insurance (on my own as well, not offered by my job either) but I cannot afford dental insurance on my own..I've had a really hard time even finding places that offered it not through your employer. My teeth hurt. They don't look bad but I can feel the cavities and they hurt from a problem with grinding and clenching that I have had since I was a child. But I cant afford to get them fixed. And b/c I'm a responsible person who has a job and tries to take care of herself I can't get help from the goverment bc apparently in kentucky thats only for illegal aliens and people who dont want to make something of themselves and would rather be burdens on society sucking the goverments teet until it runs dry. I don't even want to go there about trying to plan a wedding. I'm so overwhelmed it literally hurts to breathe. It hurts to get out of bed in the morning. I have no appetite, no energy, no self esteem. Nothing. I feel like I am nothing. I'm sitting at work just crying to myself, tears streaming but without the energy to even sob and wail like I feel like doing on the inside. I'm not suicidal by any means. I've been there, done that and got another multi-thousand dollar hospital bill to show for it. I look back and think I didn't even know depression then. What I feel now is beyond depression, its more like desperation. I don't have any urge to die so please no one message me jumping my stuff about that. I just need a break. I'd see a therapist but guess what? I cant f**king afford that either. And I definatley can't afford to just take off work and let myself catch up to me. I really just need some form of a break. I'm sick of being tired and in pain all the time.

So the house situation is really trying to continue moving forward. The people selling the house are considering hiring someone to do a secondary inspection and fixing everything that needs to be fixed. That'd be cool. We've also found a secondary house which I'm a little afraid I'm growing to like more lol. We also have the venue for the wedding and reception reserved so thats one less thing to worry about. Truthfully I'm taking the wedding planing kinda slowly until the house situation is dealt with b/c thats going to be alot less stressful..Well for now lol I'm sure when I have to play catch up it will be stressful but what good is procrastinating if you worry about it now?

You can generally spot them coming when you are 30 minutes late to work, b/c not only have you lost your keys but apparently you've lost your cell phone. I did find both of those items, unfortunately the keys were inside of my locked car. I then called Marc to tell him to come let me into my car. Then I get to work and apparently I left my work/house keys at home and my boss isn't here so I'm just standing in the cold  waiting for my boss to let me in. Needless to say I'm not in a grand mood. Well Marc comes to visit me at work and I ask him if he has heard back from the mortgage woman about the results from the inspector. Apparently the house didn't pass bc the crawlspace is not at least 18 inches high the entire way across. I totally care about that too since I spend all my f**king spare time in the f**king crawlspace and all. I tried to tell him with all the stress I'm under that a small crawlspace is a good thing b/c its less room for me to start hiding bodies but that doesnt matter on a loan. Oh and we got this news from our realtor because we havent been able to get ahold of anyone else. Yay spending chunks of money on absolutely nothing.

So I had to take off work today b/c my body is so sore and I am so exhausted from having two panic attacks yesterday. It's really upsetting b/c I havent had a panic attack for a couple of months now and I have proudly been anxiety med free for over a year now. Yesterday managed to bring me down though. Apparently my brothers little accident is destroying my wedding. First off he's getting married in febuary. Feburary 23 to be exact. Assuming inspections and all come back good, we're supposed to be closing on febuary 15th and we have to be moved out of our apartment by march 1st. Oh did I mention my brother, like the rest of my family, is still in MS so I have to drive 500 miles after getting off work to be there for his wedding on the next day and then the day after it I have to leave and turn around and drive 500 miles back so I can get a house ready and Move. Now if we don't get the house, I have to find us another apartment. :/ I am so tired.  Anyhow his wedding makes me have to change mine b/c his bride is using the colors I was going to use. AND BECAUSE I HAD TO CHNAGE MY friggen DATE. WHICH MEANS I HAD TO CHANGE MY LOCATION. WHICH MEANS I HAD TO CHANGE ALL MY friggen PLANS.