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And I'm hoping against hope that I'll actually have the opportunity.  For now, his name is "Jellybean", although he looks a lot more like a little tiny person and less like a blob these days.  But, until his name is chosen, Jellybean it is.

Has anyone gone against what they believe in and done something so horrible, so unspeakable, and so unthinkable and just done it anyway? Well I have. It was over a year ago but it's coming back to haunt me. After I did it I felt so disgusted with myself I almost killed myself, but I had the love of someone to help me through it.

We have named her Elsa, at least for the time being ... hopefully whoever eventually adopts her won't change her name.

Okay so it may not exactly be an Earth Day related thing, but demmit it made me feel good!!

Okay just to warn you this is going to be part explanation and part rant.

Who knew she would be so much like a baby. A 'real' baby....human like. Midnight feedings. Potty. 'Pay attention to me...I'm wide awake or I'll chew up your favorite shoes!" <-- oh yes! She's attempted such.

I am very selective with whom I share or give my love. I don't love often, but when I do it's like no other love in the world. When I do love, I love passionately & fiercely, whole-heartedly & with every fiber of my being. I love with such a conviction that I would fight to the death with the last ounce of my strength , and give my last dieing breath to protect that whom I love.

I am not much of a blogger…in fact I think this would make my fourth blog ever but I just wanted somewhere to place all these thoughts for a moment…somewhere anonymous to hold this memory for awhile...

So, I've been MIA for a while. School has taken all my time and I've become a little addicted to Mobsters on MySpace.  I joined a mob. So cool.  Anyway, I've been wanting to vent a little about school.  It's not that much work in reality.  It just comes all at the same time.  I have two papers and two tests do this week.

Okay. As most of you already know I leave for Iowa for 8 days tomorrow morning. My boyfriend's mom keeps telling me to drive my car. I can't because I don't have a vailid DL. She's like well have your stepdad meet you downtown..I said he's meeting me at o'hare. Well why don't you just drive yourself? I explained again that I don't have valid tags on my car, no insurance, no DL.