I've been told a few times in the last few weeks that I've become a not very nice person. I've asked the people who have said this why they think that is. No one really has an answer. So this has been on my mind for a few days. I wonder what makes them say I'm not nice. I realize it's because I don't cater to everyone anymore. My needs come first, and a lot of people who have been my friends for a long time aren't used to that. I used to let people walk on me, I don't do that anymore either. I think me being more independent than I've ever been is affecting my relationships. I work a lot, techniqually I'm working two jobs. Plus I help with house stuff and taking care of my roommates 15 month old son. So I have a full plate and I don't have time for drama or BS. I have enough leftover drama from all the shiznit in Chicago. I've cleaned up a lot of my past since I got back to Iowa. It's nice to go places and not care who sees me or who might know I'm back. I am living. For the first time in a long time I answer only to myself. It's nice. I guess that could make me seem a little selfish. It's not that other people's feelings don't matter, it's just me taking me into consideration first. I guess I'm sorry if that makes me mean. I have priorities and morals and obligations. I've given up a lot in my life to try and make other people happy, only to have them walk out of my life. I won't do it anymore. I just won't. Anyone who is my life has to work as hard as I do to get it right. I don't really know how it's mean? I guess when you get used to people being a certain way and then they change...I could see how it might be taken as being a b!tch. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but at least I knew I finally tried...
I'm not a heartbreaker...just a troublemaker.
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In addition to agreeing with the lovely ladies (snaz and trinity) I just wanted to add that really the people who dont understand are the people who just want to take advantage of you and theyre pissed off because they cant now. Its not that 'you' are being mean, its that their own selfish tendencies makes them think youre being mean by not catering to their needs- they cant see or understand that you are taking care of yourself. The people you really want and need in your life will be more apparent during times like these when true colors blaze brightly. Hang in there- in the long run, the people complaining wont matter at all.
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i say congratulations. some people never really discover themselves and can be truly happy. not to menion have the people that love them around them. if people really love you or care for you they will embrace your new and transformed self and understand what has brought you to this awareness of your needs and wants.
Been there....
All my life I was overly nice, always did what people asked, always went out of my way for them, and always got walked all over and always had to pick up everyone else's slack... I think right around 15-16 years old I did a complete 180. I was sick of it. And basically told everyone to **** off... Said no to everything and everyone unless that person had done something to deserve my respect and help. People are so fake that even those that pretend to be great are usually the first to talk **** about you when you're going out of your way to make their life easier...
I think by my senior year I only had maybe 2 real friends. And by real friends I mean people I could call at any hour broken down on the side of the road an hour away from them and they'd get up and they'd come help me no question kinda friends... and I would have done the same for them.
I figure I won't do anything for another person if they wouldn't be willing to put forth that same effort for me.
It doesn't make us selfish, it makes us self-aware. The selfish people are the ones that get offended by us not dropping everything just to become their personal doormat. If they want to think you're mean, let them... now nice are they to say that about you just because you're tending to your own needs?
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